Dear Soul-searcher:

A thing that caught my eye in your last post: “when he decides that he wants to call his parents (unfortunately not often)”- if he had the difficult childhood you say he did, then parents as I know it are a huge part of one’s childhood, why do you want him to call them more often, what if it harms him to do so?

Some of what you listed about him is so endearing, saving the birds, the innocent birds caught in the green house. You wrote: “Sometimes I feel he would rather hurt someone than get hurt by others again”-

He knows the birds will not hurt him, have no intention of hurting him, so he feels tenderness for them. With people, including with you, he knows that sometimes you intend to hurt him, some times.

Of course you need to be assertive with him, take care of yourself first, make the relationship a Win for you first and foremost (part of a win-win, for you and for him), but notice this: do-no-harm is possible while being assertive and taking care of yourself. Arguing, fighting, those things are not necessary. Better have no relationship with a person than have one of sometimes-aggression.

anita