Dear Anita,

That is exactly it.  Being told I’m lucky by all 3 of them just makes me feel so guilty for having the opportunities that I do. Especially because my parents never supported my sister at all, or made her feel like she was worthy of love or anything. It’s such a horrible feeling 🙁 Sometimes I wish I hadn’t gone, just so they wouldn’t see it that way. I feel like saying that makes them put me on a pedal stool, whereas all I’ve ever wanted is just a loving accepting family, it doesn’t matter what education we have or what we do for a job.

My sister does not think that way about Wales. I don’t think she likes it very much because she feels trapped where she lives :/ I wish I could make her see the beauty in what she does have, and the opportunities available to her. I try to encourage her to follow through with her hobbies/ interests/ goals but she doesn’t 🙁 And then complains when her and her wife falls out, and I tell her that she needs to focus on herself.

Exactly. My parents used to do it all the time. They said they’d support me to go to University, but then shouted at me because they were finding it hard financially 🙁 really blamed and shouted at me, which is why I chose to go independent and make money myself. My parents are very manipulative people – they try and come across as being hard done by/ pitied, but then they are really abusive to me and my sister. When I stopped talking to them at University, they did not try and get in contact or apologise, and I soon found out that my Mum had bought a new convertible, even though they were “really struggling” to help me through Uni. Not to mention having the kitchen completely re-done.

A great example of what my parents are like is this: My sister tried to overdose when she was 15. What did my parents do? They had a go at her for “ruining their night”. Seriously. This is the type of attitude/ behaviour from them that I have grown up with. Two people who could never relate to their children at all. Who used to bully and belittle their children, and take all their anger out on them. The amount of times my dad put the fear of God in to me and my sister is disgusting.

About the cake metaphor. Yes, exactly. My mum used to play the pity card everyday. Even though she only went to work for 3 hours. She’d come back and complain that I hadn’t done anything around the house 🙁 Or that I hadn’t made her a coffee for when she got home. Seriously. Even though I was just a young girl, and everyone else was allowed to be a kid. We weren’t allowed to. We were driven in the importance of money from a young age, and were never really allowed a childhood. I had a playstation for my 13 birthday – I sprained my ankle, when I was out on a day trip with my friend and her family (think I’ve mentioned them before? the family that I loved). That was the only time my Mum allowed me to chill out and play on my playstation, when I was injured. As soon as I was better, she would say that I was lazy, and that I spent too much time on it, and that I was selfish.

Selfish. Yes. Selfish. I used to get called Selfish all the time, just for doing fun things that made me happy 🙁 Even when I tried to help my mum would be like “no it’s fine, I’ll do it”. So I could never win. It’s really weird, like her mind was just programmed to be negative, and to make us feel…guilty.

I was always made to feel guilty for living my life. But my parents were so negative, and non-supportive etc. which is why they didn’t do anything with their lives. I still think about it now. As sometimes I still see myself as being the bad one, or the reason why everything is messed up in my family. My heart does hurt a lot, just from all of it. Just from all that pain, negativity and drama I’ve been exposed to growing up. Sometimes I can’t even cry. Sometimes I just feel this heavy feeling in my heart that stays with me for a few days. I am trying to find ways of releasing it, and letting it go.

Cat