joanna,

It is extremely hard to let go and separate from our past upbringing.  Our family of origin imprints our unconscious and creates these neuropathways that goes down to our fight-flight-freeze responses.

The Metta Meditation is a good practice for forgiveness.  Your mother did only what she knew how from her own upbringing.  Her fears, hangups, pain, dysfunction came from that.  It’s not an excuse but a basis to understand and ultimately forgive.

The Metta Meditation puts you into this mindset where you think of someone or something that evokes loving emotions, whether a pet or someone that is/was close to you.  Your body is now feeling love.  You sit with that.  You bring into mind yourself and go thru the mantra the Metta Meditation prescribes.  You love and accept yourself while keeping the physical/emotional feeling of loving.  Then you move on to other(s) that are close to you and do the same with her.

It’s a repetitive practice.  That may help you not be so triggered by her, that voice in your head.

Mark