Hello,

I can relate to this issue. I have always thrown myself into work or activities that are about giving to other people (first political activism and then teaching) and I think that I have never really given enough time to just be myself and understand myself.

I also had a very critical father and I guess I have carried that voice around in my head my whole life, but even today I still cannot truly recognise it. I have been told by others that I am too self-critical, but I just feel that that is the truth and that there is no reason not to be truthful to myself. So maybe what I am saying is that I have mistaken the self critical voice to be myself and I have never been able to recognise that that voice has actually drowned out my true inner self and voice. Maybe that is why I have never been able to resist it because I have just assumed that the voice I have heard my whole life is actually my real voice. Now I feel like the most important job in my life is to find that real voice and make it stronger. Because I don’t believe that my true self could be so mean hearted and critical.

Does any of that make sense or is helpful?