suzy,

how do i find calm when each day i could have a parent randomly come up to me and challenge the way i teach? i don’t mind the conversations, its just they take up a huge amount of my time.
Have them make an appointment. Manage your time and energy.  Use those well known time management techniques that includes having a schedule for your life and keep to it.

so how do you “have the wisdom to know the difference”
Each thing you worry about, can you make an immediate effective change or not? Is that within your sphere of influence? (look up what that is)

I would quit my job and stay home right now, but we can not afford to do this in the bay area.
Most options are not “either-or.” Either quit or move out of the Bay Area. Brainstorm those options, ex. work part time, find another job, start a side hustle/business, etc.

also when I talk to people I end up putting them on the defensive and shutting them down. I do a lot of research and I’m very aware of a lot of different options/tools. so when I talk with them I have thought 100 steps ahead. I have multiple options and I know the facts. All this does is shut people down.  … I want to learn how to communicate with people
I suspect you shut people down by not letting them know the research you have done (the background), not taking in their input/response/understanding/questions. There are a plethora of classes that teach communication.  Practicing mindfulness is a good foundation for any communication.

My friend always says that I’m not content anywhere and cannot find collaboration anywhere.
Working with people is messy, frustrating and time consuming. You may be better off not to collaborate. You may just work better on your own.

Mark