@Inky: Thank you! I’m slowly learning to trust myself again.

@Anita: Your reply really touched me! Especially the words, “The fact that you did not leave does not make you responsible for his abuse of you.” I had never thought of it that way. I always felt like it was my fault that I let this happen to me. But you’re so right! Nobody deserves to be treated how he treated me and every person is responsible for their own actions. Your reply made me feel so happy. To be honest I’m still studying and I can’t afford psychotherapy right now. Most of the days I feel quite alone. Some days are so hard that I just wish I had someone to lean on, even for just a while. I’m close to my parents but I don’t feel comfortable telling them about this. I tried talking to my current boyfriend about it but I don’t think he understood the depth of what I feel. I asked him to give me some time alone and few days back I was feeling much better and I texted him but he didn’t reply and now it has been around a week since we have spoken. I’m not sure what’s going on but this has been triggering some pretty bad panic attacks everyday because my mind keeps remembering the way I would be ignored for days, sometimes weeks by my ex. I feel like my mind remembers that pain and fear so clearly. I have a friend who I have spoken to about this and she’s quite sympathetic but what I want right now is not sympathy. I just want to share what I feel with someone who understands how I feel because they have been through the same thing because sometimes having to act all cheerful and happy all the time is just so hard. But on a good note, I have started to find ways to control my anxiety and panic attacks. I started meditating and it really helps me calm myself when I start to feel anxious. I’m also going to start painting. It’s always been one of my hobbies and I heard it’s quite helpful for people who suffer from anxiety. Well, this is how I’ve started my healing process and I’d really like to know more about yours. It would be very helpful.