Hi Mike

I found reading your post difficult to read. Its obvious you’re in a lot of pain.

One of the purpose of relationship is that it will present us with the opportunity (force us some might say) to confront our issues and point us in the direction of individuation. The goal two people in relationship together and at the same time authentically themselves. (Two become One by remaining Two – that is not a paradox)

It can be a difficult as part of the process involves projecting our shadow and fears onto the other. Projection allows us to see the issue that need to be dealt with. However, if we don’t realize the issue is a projection of our own fears and shadow we might assume the problem belongs to our partner. Its all their fault and the issue becomes entrenched vice healed.

I’m not sure if that’s is what your doing, however projection and transference is almost always involved in any relationship. There also appears to be some cognitive distortions involved in the post which may be clouding the issue.

Consoling might be helpful to figure all that stuff out.

I would also recommend the books of David Richo. I found his book ‘How to be an Adult’ really helpful.