Dear Anita,

Thanks for replying. I’ve had a lot of emotions going on inside of me the past few days and lots of thoughts. It’s days like this (it’s been my day off today) where I spend it doing music promotion stuff and obsessing/ worrying about things. I find it difficult to pull myself out of these mindset. The weather doesn’t help either.

Yes, I thought that’s what it meant, and I feel really sad knowing that my parents are like that, and that they never got to experience more from life – growing up, different relationships, experiences, travelling etc.

1. Those opportunities are – To be independent, to establish a sense of one’s own identity, to break free from expectations and demands from parents, to create a life of her own, to understand feminism, to have an education, to embark on different creative projects, to have a range of different jobs, to go travelling.

2. Within a week – this is a hard question. Maybe 3/4 days spent in misery. The rest in happiness. It really does depend on the day and what I’m doing. Sometimes when I’m busy thinking that I’m working towards my life changing, then I feel positive. Focusing on positive feedback from all the music and gigs stuff I’ve been doing, focusing on Bristol etc. It’s days where I’m at home that the sadness/ pain comes.

3. The opportunities – me finding myself, independence has actually been a painful journey, of looking for myself in different people. University hasn’t brought peace, due to the drama that happened. Neither has travelling due to Clarence, being sectioned etc. So I guess all of them haven’t brought my peace so far…. Apart from doing the music stuff, which brings me a sense of belonging sometimes.

4. Yes. I think that sometimes.

5. Sometimes I get angry. When I feel like I am not being seen. For ex. when I changed my name, and people kept calling me by my old name. It was very painful as I felt as though I wanted to leave my past behind and start afresh. I get angry when I feel like people can’t see what I’m trying to do, or my intentions, or when people don’t understand me.

Cat