Dear Bubba:

Welcome back to your thread. I went back and read all your posts, beginning almost a year ago, March 2017 (I did not read my/others’ replies to you).

You wrote in your recent post: “I feel stuck, I feel sick and have no inspiration when it comes to relationships”. I wonder if I can provide you with any help that will encourage you somehow to get unstuck. Maybe I can, since I read your posts slowly  and thoroughly. I will respond to what you wrote in your recent post and refer in my responses to what I learned from pervious posts.

You wrote: “it was him. He had a choice”- for a long time earlier you held on to this position (April 8): “We were perfect for each other but his parents split us up”. It was his choice although it is most likely also true that he was heavily influenced by his parents’ input.

And it is true that you were not perfect for each other, not at any time.

You wrote: “someone (him) who could hurt a person so cruelly without a reason and so unexpectedly”- no doubt you were hurt, still are, no doubt some of his behavior was inconsiderate at best, hurtful at worst. But his breaking up the engagement and the relationship was not without a reason nor was it unexpected. I will soon elaborate on this.

You wrote: “He lured me into his life… what a monster he is”- you were fully responsible for moving to where he was, sacrificing what you did so to live with him. You  had 50% responsibility for arguing with him repeatedly, before and after his parents’ input. He is probably not a monster, an all-bad creature.

More of my input: his parents as well as him cared a lot about money, very frugal. This has been a significant issue all along, one that you didn’t fully acknowledge. In that way, the two of you were definitely incompatible (something he told you, that the two of you were not compatible).

The arguments, which I understand started long before his parents’ involvement, were a big problem which make the breakup not sudden or unexpected. This is also something, I believe, that you did not adequately acknowledged. You had a tough time when you moved in with him, having sacrificed your job and otherwise, so to live with him. During that time you argued a lot and those arguments were tough on him, not only on you. These arguments and the arguments about his parents, were a big reason for him breaking up with you.

I understand your frustration, of course, with his parents, but there is no denying the fact that those arguments hurt your efforts to proceed with the marriage, that if that was your goal, to get married, then arguing was ineffective and harmful to your goal.

He was selfish when he did lure you to having sex with him after the breakup. That was hurtful and inconsiderate on his part, having encouraged you that way to hope for a getting back together while it reads to me that his mind was made up.

You kept repeating in previous threads that he was brainwashed by his parents, suggesting that they were responsible for the breakup. Children, into adulthood, are heavily influenced by their parents but one cannot hold adults not responsible for their choices because way too many adults are heavily influenced by their parents, and if not held responsible, then hardly anyone would be held responsible for their actions, legally and otherwise.

If you would like, let me know if any of this is helpful.

anita