For me it means living my life for me and not being in this constant state of anxiety. I’m trying to change my fantasies to what might actually be true about him. Accepting the wildest explanation like he loves his wife plus is having the time of his life with any number of other women, it makes it easier than just wondering why he isn’t calling me. When he isn’t  calling me I want to make peace with it and just feel neither hate nor sadness. It’s also a weird tie to my old toxic job when I hear little things from him that’s maybe not healthy for me to hear.

I want to be happy with who I am and stop trying to curate my personality, interests, and looks to please others. I have been taking an interest in minimalism, healthy living, and other things to try and free my mind from the negative thoughts so to be independent and not a follower would be moving forward. Eventually finding a relationship And supportive friends would be great. I  would like to be able to push through in hard times instead of feeling like I haven’t made any self progress.

I feel like I do like my personality more and other things about myself better than when I was younger, the relationship issues continue to repeat themselves in a similar fashion.