Hello Lisa,

I hope you are feeling a bit better today. I read your story, starting at the beginning. I agree with Anita in that you definitely are heard on this site. I believe many people feel alone just like you. So in that, you are not alone.

I am not sure if you are looking for someone to empthaise with you or actual advice. However, after reading your thread I felt so happy for you in the middle pages where you wrote down your goals and were making progress toward them e.g. eating healthier, walking more and getting a better sleeping pattern, so my thoughts are to say more about things that helped me in terms of positive progress.

Like you I have found life isn’ fair. Just watch a nature programme when a little animal just been born/at a young age is killed by another predator. Nature shows us life isn’t fair and its not fair for humans either. But I  do believe there are certain rules in nature and sometimes the things in life that seem unfair are actually trying to teach you something.. its just so hard and tiring to see that at the time. Life isnt ordered, just or fair sometimes and accepting that makes life easier to live i find. It all depends what you believe. I like much of what people say about the law of attraction and like to believe things happen for a reason. But everyone to their own.

In terms of practical help I would suggest the following things but you don’t have to do any. I do understand how you feel though. I have felt very much alone for as long as I can recall.

1) perhaps try and listen to guided meditations as you wind down and go to bed. These have helped me calm my over active brain and help sleep. They could help you. I peronally like ones by Jason gallant but it’s up to you which you like

2) You said you can’ afford therapy but there is perhaps other, alternative therapies you could try. Here in the UK the NHS offers free therapy to people online and there are websites like Talkspace, elder wisdom circle and 7 cups of tea that offer online therapy which may help.

3) I think what Anita said about patience in previous posts was so true. When I feel down I want to get better RIGHT NOW and somehow feel a failure when that doesn’t happen and feel discouraged, like back to square one as you describe. I think the key is to keep trying. You say you are stubborn and have tried, so persevering when you are having a down day would be a great use of that trait.  Think of a little donkey on a trail that just keeps on plodding on even if it’ just small steps one day and slightly bigger the next- the donkey will get there. For those days I have a journal which you can buy online called a 5 minute journal which asks you to write down things you are grateful for at the start of the day and write an affirmation and then asks you to reflect at the end of the day. That has been useful to me in seeing the good things in life and I would perhaps recommend to you.

4) at the start you mentioned you had a dog. It sounded like the dog gave you happiness. The dog would also help you get out of the house on bad days. Have you thought of getting one again? Perhaps getting one from a pound e.g. a dog that was also alone will encourage you both to heal. This may involve you cutting down some hours but from what you post, it sounds like you are so tired from working two jobs so doing less hours is a good thing. We need to take care of ourselves first.

5) you say you are an artist and a writer which is great. Anita is right, you do have a good way with words and express things clearly at times. How much art/writing are you doing Currently? It doesn’t have to be perfect at all. How good or not good you are at writing is no reflection on your self worth and value as a person…They aren’t linked. Perhaps you could join an art or creative writing class or perhaps start a free blog on word press?

6) when I am feeling especially down I like to Google things in the hope of finding someone ‘like me’ out there. In time I have found Ted talks which are useful and also YouTube videos. Try the one from a poster called ‘improvement pill’ about filling the iner hole (you will recognise the video as it has cartoon characters in) or videos by Teal Swan on the inner void, lonliness etc. There are also a few by Michael singer and Eckert rolled that whilst I don’t always understand principles, are relaxing to watch.

I have more to write but think this is long enough for now. I hope you have a good day today and do at least one thing that makes you feel good about your life/day. I would be interested in hearing about your progress towards your goals you mentioned.

Please take good care of yourself.