Thanks!
It actually seems like I have been hurt the most by these relationships. I always go in knowing it can’t be anything more and being low key but then I try hard to keep the relationship with extreme emotional outbursts. I think I have had a total of three taboo relationships, one physical and emotional affair with a married man while married, one physical and emotional affair to a single man while engaged, and now this emotional affair. I feel like I was hurt the most by all of these by them not wanting to actually be with me or even if they were saying it, not actually making it happen.
When everything started I already knew I didn’t want relationships but I wanted to be the one in control so to speak. I guess losing the relationships is in a way losing the identity I created for myself with that person in my life, even if it’s never been a desirable life when I actually thought about it.
I would say that when I approached these relationships from the beginning it was about wanting a mentor for running with the first man. The second was about teaching him English, and the one now I was seeking a friend to double date with and go to events, and discuss healthy living. However, they all turned into something more whether I believe I wanted it to or not. It felt more comfortable to approach the males instead of females, so I feel like I was looking for friends, but also in an unhappy relationship or lonely.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 