Dear Leocube:

You are welcome. Glad to be communicating with you.

You wrote that after you move away you will be thinking about your parents from time to time for the rest of your life, wondering how they’re doing, feeling, reminisce about the good times. You asked: “What does it mean? Does this mean that I’m regretting?… what would you call these emotions? Are they even emotions?”-

Some will be thoughts, some will be emotions. A lot will be a numb mental sensation, a nothingness. I think that whenever you miss them in a way, if you do, when you do, it will be missing what you did not have with them, the childhood you not have, the togetherness you.. did not experience.

What is clear to me from communicating with you, over time, is the intensity of your being alone, as a child with your parents around, and as the adult that you are, still, currently in their presence. The emotional divide between you and them is huge.

When you were very young, there was no division. You reached out to them for love, for that togetherness. They rejected you, ignored you, left you to be alone. So you lost that need to reach out to them, almost. You almost lost it completely. There is that tiny seed of a need, very small, hardly felt that still exists, from the very early years, and that seed sometimes vibrate some small emotion.

Let me know if my explanation reads reasonable to you and if it is helpful.

anita