I will be honest, I am completely shattered and broken over this.  I am a very spiritual person and this is absolutely pulling me away from my faith as I cannot understand why my God has forced me into to so much pain and regret, that I am considering the ultimate end just to stop the pain.  I seriously love this women and her child, but I know for sure this process had to happen to force me to SEE it.

I am reaching for threads in the wind hoping she will open her heart just once more.  She made it SO easy for me!  So easy that I did not trust it.  She opened every door and lead me to them.  Told me she wanted to marry me, was willing to move away from her family for me, cooked for me, stopped in to see me at work, did EVERYTHING I could possibly ask for!  She is not perfect and has some very stubborn traits, but I certainly am not not perfect either.

I know folks looking at this from afar can look with little emotion, but we both have children, we bonded to each other’s children, and there was a lot riding on this for both of us.  I should be slapped for not seeing all this woman was fighting for, and all I had to do was walk through the doors she opened so freely for me.  I have never met a woman in my life that was so right for me, so gorgeous, and wanted ME.  I had an intense feeling of “too good to be true” constantly, and it held me back!

Now I am stuck asking God why he allowed me to build up SO much love for this women, then shatter it all in front of me.