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bob

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  • March 17, 2018 at 9:12 pm #197883
    bob
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    Anita, you seem SO wise.  I have been working on our new place together and we always talked about it, she came out as I was working, but it was just taking TOO long!  I get it!  It will get done, but we needed to moving things forward!  I get it!

     

    In all my crazy emailing, She most certainly knows I want to rent a home in her home town together, I had a ring for her, and wanted to get started on our family together asap.  None of it mattered!  I don’t know what to do!  It hurts so bad being so close, but I know in my heart, I had to feel this, to realize what I had, and I don’t know why.

    I know the guy she is seeing is a classmate, recently moved back, knows her family, etc.  But I also know he has been around for months, and she still fought for me.  It is so heart breaking knowing how bad she wanted it.  My only thread of hope is she will realize all our history, and how much we can do together, if we both work hard at this.

    Tell me what I can do!?

     

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by bob.
    March 17, 2018 at 8:34 pm #197881
    bob
    Participant

    I will be honest, I am completely shattered and broken over this.  I am a very spiritual person and this is absolutely pulling me away from my faith as I cannot understand why my God has forced me into to so much pain and regret, that I am considering the ultimate end just to stop the pain.  I seriously love this women and her child, but I know for sure this process had to happen to force me to SEE it.

    I am reaching for threads in the wind hoping she will open her heart just once more.  She made it SO easy for me!  So easy that I did not trust it.  She opened every door and lead me to them.  Told me she wanted to marry me, was willing to move away from her family for me, cooked for me, stopped in to see me at work, did EVERYTHING I could possibly ask for!  She is not perfect and has some very stubborn traits, but I certainly am not not perfect either.

    I know folks looking at this from afar can look with little emotion, but we both have children, we bonded to each other’s children, and there was a lot riding on this for both of us.  I should be slapped for not seeing all this woman was fighting for, and all I had to do was walk through the doors she opened so freely for me.  I have never met a woman in my life that was so right for me, so gorgeous, and wanted ME.  I had an intense feeling of “too good to be true” constantly, and it held me back!

    Now I am stuck asking God why he allowed me to build up SO much love for this women, then shatter it all in front of me.

     

    March 17, 2018 at 10:04 am #197821
    bob
    Participant

    Well, I had already sort of planned and started on a new “3rd place” for myself when I met her.  It sits on 40 acres so plenty of room.  The problem is time and 20mi away and running my own business and kids got me way behind.  She patiently waited.

     

    I know now that some of my issues stem from the fact that I may not even want to live there anymore as this was a dream for many years ago and is further away from my family than I prefer.  I also know she really didn’t want to live that far either, but was willing.

    She had been checking progress with me, which was slow, and started talking about doing something else, just anything to fill the gap.  My stress level was insane!  I think part of it was that she felt completely stressed out with all of us inn her house, but I did not feel it was “that small”.  1000ft main level plus finished basement.  2 kids would have to share a room for a bit, but we could manage.

    She felt it was chaotic.  Towards the end I realized I needed to just rent a house in her home town.  I know now how to make it all work, but she won’t even talk now.  I was trying to avoid losing money such as a rental, but at this point I would give every dime I have to fix my family.

    I would say everything in our relationship was fast at first.  I knew I loved her about 2mo in and communicated that, we both knew we were looking for marriage/kids/forever.  She really wanted to move things along but I honestly wanted to new place done first.  I did NOT COMMUNICATE well at all!  I know now how much stuff I internalize because if I say something, she just expects it to get done.  Some things are just easier to say than do.

    She was asking for a ring and change in living arrangement for quite a while.  The way we lived for a while was I ran my business from my house, but I loaded up clothes and such every night, and always slept at her house.  There were a few nights I stayed at my own due to work or whatnot, but from about 1mo in, I pretty much lived at her house.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by bob.
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