Dear Anita,

Thank you for appreciating my sequoia reference! Our talk this morning really helped me, it snapped me out of the rumination cycle of past hyperfocus on old friends, and zapped me up to present.  In present day, there isn’t time for such excess thinking (if only I could always operate that way!).

Also, I appreciate your input about the move: ” I will expect to not feel calm, settled and at ease.”

What a great point about expectation, and how we react to our own emotions based on our preconceived expectations.  At work, I expect to be challenged and find difficulty – thus I am never surprised or caught off guard.  yet in personal life I somehow trick myself into thinking that I “should” be more relaxed even in settings when that would be almost impossible.

I am capable of tempering my expectations to realistic situations, I just need to do a better job outside the work world, in my personal life.  this goes back to previous posts on the difference between controlling anxiety and mind wandering at work vs. home.  It will be an ongoing practice.

One thing is for sure, it is very important for me to stick with my intuition and be candid in what I feel from within.  I have never been misguided by such.  When I say this, I mean appropriate intuition, not when I have a false sense of fear due to anxiety. More like, what is this baseline uneasiness teaching me (well like above, cut back cali chica on explaining to others).  Why is this interaction making you uncomfortable (well this person doesn’t appear to have boundaries) etc.

Not to say I am so uber intuitive and I can figure people out always…but I sure can figure out the effect they have on me and more often than not, the reason why.  And that is valid and important.  I sense something because I feel an energy, and that energy is real and palpable to me. If it is not seen by others, that is okay.  I have faith and confidence in my radar (it sure has been calibrated many times!!).

I am finding that I am becoming more mature in that I don’t NEED others to enjoy something “with” me for it to be real and enjoyable.  For example’s sake: I can enjoy an ice cream cone in peace without having to text someone immediately about it so they can “share” the experience.  I don’t have to instantly explain a great experience to a friend instantly.  I don’t have to blurt out a positive epiphany at every crossing.  I find this is quite common in today’s world with the hyper-connectivity, and feeling that “if others don’t know about it, it didn’t happen, or it’s not real.” This could be farther from the truth.  In fact, I hope to savor and let things sink in.  Sink and Savor.  I like the sound of that…sink and savor. i’ll keep this in mind