Hi Jonathan,

As I read through your post, my sense is that your girlfriend has worked through some things she has struggled with, that you have been by her side and extremely supportive through it all, and now she has come through her struggles only to feel that perhaps she no longer loves you.

I wonder if you are aware that, based on what you have posted, a lot of your relationship seems to revolve around her needs – emotional, job-wise, being happy, negative. When you were putting in a lot of hours at work and she became critical, your response was to try to make her happy once again.  This is noble and loving, but I wonder…what do YOU want from relationship?  And going forward, what do you need from the relationship?

You say your love language is physical intimacy and you are no longer getting that.  You say she is testing to see what happens when she spends time in another room away from you.  By not openly telling you about her going out dancing and having the college friend overnight, she has lied to you by omission.  She may be trying to spare your feelings, or she may be trying to figure this out herself, but it sounds like, at best, the relationship is changing.  At worst, it might be over.

You asked for advice and insight.  My thought is that your girlfriend needs to figure out some things yet and is still trying to figure things out.  Maybe it is time to let her figure it out, and for you to take care of you.  Something needs to change.  Maybe this will mean that you both agree to see other people.  Or that you continue to live together, but in separate rooms.  Or that you break up completely.  As it is, her behavior keeps you in a holding pattern.  This doesn’t seem fair to you, and I wonder if you can see yourself doing this, happily, for the rest of your life.

Airene

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Airene.