A final update.

I spoke to my partner on the phone. Firstly I apologised for causing any overwhelm or unnecessary panic today. I thought about what you said and decided not to play it down because that won’t help. But I also realised that imagining the worst and over panicking is not helping either.

I then apologised for sending a message saying that people were trying to have a threesome. Because that’s wrong. I explained the actual events and explained that my interpretation was that there was potential for it to turn sexual and that the girls made out and that hugging I did feel body parts and I think i did feel temptation and that is what scared me most. I also told him how special he was and that I need to rethink alcohol and be more careful. When we were first speaking I still felt a wave of guilt. Then as I opened up and said everything I relaxed and stopped catastrophising and saw it from a different perspective. I told him, hugging people it’s natural you will feel their bodies but the fear of not remembering how or why and if it was as bad as my fear is making it or not.

Basically, I’m trying to be kind to myself. And to him.

Now I need time to breathe and relax and not beat myself up over anything.