Hi Tebriz,

You will be fine, I promise.  I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love and who you have been with for a long time.

He wants to be your friend.  You can decide if this is something you want to do.  And as much as it hurts to type this, and for you to hear it, what you say is true – it is over.

Things will get better.  This is also true – it takes time.  If it helps, you can think about the things you didn’t like about him and the relationship.  You can remind yourself how he wanted someone to cook for him (what??) and help him pick out his clothes (what???).  It sounds like he wanted a mother more than a lover.  Is this what you want to be to someone who is not your child?  A mother??  I don’t think so.

There were relationships I had that ended and I would actually feel relieved.  It gave me more time to do the things I wanted to do.  Maybe there is a class you have wanted to take?  Or friends you have wanted to spend time with?  Something that might help is getting into a new routine.  When you find yourself wanting to call your ex, make a conscious decision to do something else.  As in…I will pick up my book and read when I want to call him.  I will call my sister/brother/friend when I want to call him.  I will do my nails.  I will make a cup of tea.  I will go to the store and just look.  I will walk around the block.   I will….fill in the blank with something that is constructive and will help you feel better about everything that is happening.  Since this is an amicable break up, if you absolutely need to call him, just call him knowing that the two of you will not get back together, and that you want to say hi and see how he is doing.  Again, without the expectation that the two of you will get back together.  One thing I have learned about guys and love is that for most of them, once they decide they are done, they are done.  He has told you clearly and plainly that he cannot love you.  Listen to that and find someone who will treat you the way you want and need to be treated.

These intense feelings you are experiencing now will lessen over the course of a day, a week, a month.  The best way to get over a breakup is to focus on YOU and the things and people you love.

Finally, remember that a relationship is something that should add to you life, not subtract from it.  It should help you grow as a person, not let you lose yourself.

Wishing you peace,

Airene