Stuttering John,

Airene is suggesting marriage counseling.  I think your wife, her depression, her lack of life direction would be better addressed by an individual therapist.

Her not loving you has little to do with you and a lot more to do with her depression, etc.

However I invite you to look at how you have contributed to the stagnation of your marriage and lack of communication (being surprised by how she felt for over a year).

What things have you done to keep the marriage fresh?  What ways of doing/saying you could create a deeper intimacy, a way of bringing joy into the relationship?

Great that you are seeing a more positive difference by changing your attitude, picking up the household duties, flirting with her.   What other ways can you show/say that you love her?

https://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?rref=collection&

Mark