Hi Strllit,

My dear…I can feel your sadness and I have known this kind of sadness.  Props to you for doing all the right things to pick up the pieces and carry on.  The gym = very good.  Being with friends = also very good.  Shopping, distracting…all good things.  I hope you know on some level that time will lessen your sadness and you will find your north again.

My sense of what has happened is that it has nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with your ex.  It also has to do with the fact that your ex has no idea how to talk about his feelings, if he even knows what those feelings are.  A lot of people don’t know how to talk about their feelings, and don’t even know what they are feeling.

I want to reassure you that again, this has n-o-t-h-i-n-g nothing! to do with you.  It is about your ex, what he was feeling, and ultimately, that he didn’t know how to talk about his feelings.  Initially, he took the cowardly way out by not contacting you.  To his credit, he at least formed the words that he wanted to break up with you.  I would bet that he still doesn’t know exactly what he is feeling.

Perhaps he was feeling that he wanted to marry you, but the thought of marriage and all the responsibility that comes with it scared him.  Or, he was feeling pressure – not from you, but from his family.  That kind of pressure can make someone rebel, even if they are not aware they are rebelling.

When he called you and said he wanted to break up and that he thought he had lost his love for you, did he go into any detail?  Please write more if you feel it will help.

In the meantime, I hope you are doing well and taking really good care of yourself.  And I’m so glad you came here to express your thoughts and feelings.

Airene