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Hi SurvIng30,
You have done well by sharing your feelings through this platform, and I would like to comfort you by letting you know that your feelings are heard.
When you are feeling misery, please do not keep the trauma in your heart and instead vent it out, it will indeed help you to feel better. We all have times in our lives where we feel stuck and unable to move out from a whirl of negativity but know that you are stronger than you think and you will be able to pull through this.
I see that you are overthinking, and about a certain person which is not allowing you to move out from your current spot to continue threading your life path.
Take your time, and when you are comfortable, step out from this trap that you have set for yourself. This trap has prevented you from going further. It will not be easy, but try your best to take your mind off this guy and focus your energy on what is positive and meaningful instead.
You can do it. You are strong. You are independent. Do not forget that.
Cheers,
Jun