Dear Anita,

My life was going so well. New housemates, friends, boyfriend etc. I was feeling like I could do this!! I am Noel’s first girlfriend. He is a virgin nerd with hygiene problems and severe anxiety…. When I was with him I felt like a child again. I was so open, so honest – our connection was so sensitive. The most sensitive I’ve ever had. Only last Thursday we were on the phone, and said that we were in love with each other.

Then, lo and behold, I ruin everything with getting drunk, and having a breakdown.

During my crisis I tried to contact him constantly and try and save the relationship. Didn’t give him space. Kept pushing and pushing and pushing. He eventually called me up, and read out the email to him, about how much I loved him, what he meant in my life etc. He said he only called to get space. And ended up saying that he wasn’t staying in his house because he was scared I’d show up. I said I felt offended, because I thought he knew me. He said he could see why I was offended. He had a go at me because I talk a lot, and was trying to blame me for his anxiety. I didn’t let him. He was angry at me, but wasn’t allowing himself to be angry. He said that he wanted to say how he felt, so I said I was listening – but then he said he felt like hanging up the phone. So I said, fine do it. And he hung up. He then sent me a cold message via fb about how he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore and how he’s made his decision.

Heartbreaking.

We were both so emotionally close. The closest and most sensitive I’ve been with someone, and now this…

I’m on medication, to help me sleep. I’m off work til the 8th May. I have an assessment on the 3rd May to get diagnosed. Been crying a lot. I stopped messaging Noel yesterday. Really pushed him away, now he just thinks that I’m intense, crazy, dangrous, mad etc.

Huff.

Cat