Anita,

I just realized something that has always really affected me. I am very close with my cousin. We are basically best friends. However, she lives in a very wealthy area which means she goes to school with a bunch of snobby rich brats which means she, herself, is a very snobby rich brat as well. She is so judgmental even towards me. And she is super open about it. Everyone around her is wears expensive clothes, parties all day every day, they all have so many friends, they all try so hard, they are born into money, they are all so smart. But they are so mean. Some good comes out of it, my cousin’s honesty has helped me to have a passion for success and nice things in life as she comes from a very competitive area and some of that competitiveness has rubbed off on me. I try very hard in everything I do because of it. Unfortunately, this has caused me to have an unhealthy obsession with trivial things such as looks, my weight (sometimes I think I have some form of an eating disorder honestly), boys, fashion, and just in general being “good enough.”

Someone told me I shouldn’t have a victim mentality and I am trying not to sound like I am complaining but what I feel is very real. And I think it may even play a part in my fear of being disapproved.

Just now I was talking with her when she brought up her best friend. She said to me, “yeah I don’t think (friend’s name) would like you. She doesn’t really like people who are quiet. She doesn’t like people who are weird. She probably wouldn’t like any of your friends. She doesn’t like losers.”

Her words caused a little bit of pain in me. She was basically telling me I am not good enough for her friends. In reality, I know I am good enough because there is nothing wrong with me. I am super nice and am most definitely not a loser. I know it is just because her friend is just dumb. But this honestly isn’t unfamiliar to me given my cousin and I are so close. I am put in the situation of being compared to people from her school. I don’t know if this is why I am so afraid of being disapproved by people in general, but I know I feel fear of being disapproved by her (even her friends who I have never talked to). It hurts that she said that and now I feel like I am not good enough. I don’t know if this helps but I think growing up with this type of criticism definitely caused me to be very hard on myself.. not in a good way. It reminds me of how I feel when I looked at older, popular girls in my school who never really paid attention to me when my boyfriend would bring me along to hang out or to parties. This could be explained by my quietness. I assume people wouldn’t befriend me if I just sit there being quiet and shy, but there have been many occasions where I have talked to them but I still feel like they ignore me… I don’t know. I feel weird!! I feel like I am not good enough. Maybe it is just because my social skills are not very good… who knows!! I don’t know. I feel so upset. My boyfriend is super popular (or at least he was in high school) and back when we were in school together he wasn’t afraid to tell me that people don’t like my friends. The more I think about it… I think there are (or were, before they graduated) many snobby girls in my school as well. Older girls would talk bad about me often. These girls kinda reminded me of my cousin’s friends. They have that same look and attitude. They would be friends with my boyfriend but I never seemed to get along with them…. ughh…. I know it shouldn’t matter but I wanna have fun, I wanna make friends. I have this weird need/want to be good enough for those people. I bet they would like me if I just acted like they do.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Katie.