Hello Kevin –

You asked: “Am I wrong in thinking that it is not productive to take drugs?”

I have a brother who started smoking marijuana when he was in high school.  He is 60 years old now.  He has had what some would call a rough life.  He is also an alcoholic.  I won’t say marijuana alone ruined his life, but it sure didn’t help him.

I have 4 kids and when I discovered one of them was smoking marijuana when he was 16, I handled it this way.  I told him I loved him and was disappointed (that’s an understatement…I was actually heartbroken).  I told him I would do random drug testing, and that if the test ever came back positive, he would go immediately into a rehab program (outpatient or inpatient).  I told him that if the tests came back negative, he would begin to earn back my trust.  I said this would continue until he was 18 years old and at that time he would legally be an adult, and I would have no say in what he did with his life.  I also said that I would not – ever – bail him out if he got in trouble with the law for possession of illegal drugs and/or drunk driving.

When I drug tested him, my husband went in the bathroom with him.  I waited for my son to refuse the drug testing, but he never did.  If he had refused, I had a consequence ready for that.

It might seem harsh, but my husband and I both had parents who were alcoholics and the destruction from that was enough for me to know I would not tolerate it in a spouse or with any of my kids.

My son never tested positive when I drug tested him, and I kept my word and continued testing him through age 18.  He went on to college.  I never got a call saying he was in jail.  However, when he was 21 and moving from one apartment to another, I discovered a marijuana pipe.  I was heartbroken and told him so.  I also said he was on his own financially from that point forward.  We would lend him money if he wanted to finish school (he did), but he would have to pay us back (he is).

He graduated and got a job shortly after graduation.  I’d be naiive to say he doesn’t smoke pot.  All my kids know I am strongly opposed to illegal drug use.  When and if pot becomes legal, I will maintain my position that I have never seen anything good or productive come from anyone using it.  I hate drugs, and addiction and all the destruction left in its path.

Just my thoughts.

Airene