abubin,

I can’t speak to what is right or wrong for you. What I believe is that if you are honest with yourself and choose to follow your honest feelings, you better prepare yourself to enjoy the time and relationships you have. If you want to pursue Debbie, give it a shot. If you want to support and encourage your children, go for it. Both things can be done to the extent you want if you spend the time and effort to make it happen.

My dad and I live half a country apart, so we scheduled a weekly time to have a phone call to try to keep in touch. It was a bit awkward and short at first, especially since we haven’t had a perfect relationship, but we both dedicated the time and effort to plan for it and make it happen. I took a few risks expressing deeply personal information about myself, and he listened and reciprocated. I didn’t know what would happen if I confided in him, but now I do and it has been worth it.

I agree with several of the above comments regarding the negative emotions you’re facing. They feel bad and likely won’t help you or motivate you to be who you want. But they are there, they are problems, and they have solutions. What may help is listening to them and trying to understand where they come from and why. Are there particular memories that continually pop into your head? This thread began with your inability to sleep because you couldn’t stop thinking about Debbie, and you’ve mentioned you are conditioned to waking up early to text with her. If you feel comfortable expressing it, what kind of pain do you feel in moments like these?