Hi Haley,

What Coconut says makes a lot of sense.  It might not be what you want to hear, but it is true.  You don’t need an explanation from him.  And you don’t need to hear whys and whats.  What you do need to do is ACCEPT his decision.  When you find yourself thinking, “but I need to know WHY”, ask yourself if it would make a difference if he said the reason was because the sky is blue.  Or because it’s Tuesday.  Or because he wants to sell bananas in Cocomo.  His answers will not matter because the bottom line is he wanted to break up with you. Period.  Then ask yourself if you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you.

I could not find what you posted before about emailing your ex.  I’m wondering, how did the breakup happen?  Did he talk to you and say he wanted to break up?  I’m asking because of what you posted here:

I read that apparently the silent treatment is one of the most psychologically damaging thing you can do to a person. It is usually employed by narcisistic individuals. I think he is cowardly for not confronting me. 

If he never actually talked to you about breaking up and simply “ghosted” you, or is giving you the silent treatment, then yes, what you say above is accurate and true.  It’s cruel.  If this is what happened, then why would you even want to be with someone like this?

However, if he talked to you, and broke up with you, then his responsibility to you ended there.  He is not obligated to respond to your emails, or to reach out to you in any way.  There is no cowardly behavior on his part for not responding to you after he said he wanted to end the relationship.

Sometimes, when I am wondering about why something happened or why a person said or did whatever, I will sit quietly and ask myself, “why is this person doing this?”  Sometimes I “hear” the answer within me.   When you ask yourself “what did I do wrong,” what does your quiet voice say?  When you ask “Why is he doing this?”  What does your quiet voice say?

We usually know the answer without ever having to hear it from someone else, if we’re quiet enough to listen to it.  If the answer I hear has something to do with my behavior or attitude, and I can change it, then I have the power to do so.  If what I hear myself telling me has something to do with the other person and their behavior and attitude, I have zero power to change them, but I have all the power to choose how to respond to it.  Your ex is not responding to you because he might be narcissistic.  Or he might be trying to move on.  Or he might be exhausted from dealing with your anxiety.  None of those are right or wrong.  Instead of placing all your power into wishing he would respond and willing him to respond and wanting him to want to talk to you, take your power back and decide you will let go and move on.  Better things are waiting.

Airene