Good morning Anita,

Food for thought today.  I have been quite introspective since early this morning.  Perhaps that is the benefit of a good night of sleep finally.

I had a long drive to work today; while I was driving I heard an old song that brought up fond memories.  I found myself thinking back to that time when I was an adolescent, and many positive memories enveloped me.  I thought to myself, if I focused on only this – it would be difficult to understand the issues I am dealing with at present.  It occurred to me the following: many people must have difficulty grasping the present, when they positive memories of the past.  It made me ask something out loud:

If in reality there were positive events and associations in the past, were they false – given what is happening now?

The important statement is the following: the past positive is not false, but more importantly, the present negativity is true.  Simply put, the fact that things are “bad” now does not negate the “good” in the past – moreover, the focus is that the current is “bad” period.  And that is enough.

The present is key.  The past does not justify the present, the future does not justify the present.  The present is just that, it is now.

A classic more tangible example is a woman going through a divorce.  She may look back at their time during dating and recall fond memories.  They were by all means true.  She looks now at her husband’s infidelity and is astonished it could be the same person.  Was the past all fake? Perhaps not.  Perhaps he changed.  However, if she goes by above she will not beat herself up over finding this answer about whether the past is real or not.  Often we are so caught up in this question that we spend all of our energy THERE and not HERE.

The past was real, and her memories are true.  This does not negate the present state of distress and discomfort due to this individual’s actions.  They are both real, they are both true.  Life is now, and based on now, she must limit her distress, and free herself from the inciting agent.

WE are not responsible for deciphering the past and whether all accounts are reality.  As you said to me over a year ago, this is more the job of a jury in the court of law – not that of a daughter, sister, wife, etc.  We are not in the court of law, we are in our own life.

We must be the protectors of our own life.  If not us, then who? No one, including our own self, should be the judge of this.  What we feel in the present is the truth. We are entitled to the truth now and always.