When she started having a lot of problems with everything.  Especially  her son.  She needed time alone to deal with it and to figure it out on her own.  She is a very independent woman.  She had told me this several times.  I didn’t see the whole picture at the time.  I only saw what i wanted to see.(well i didn’t want it, but i don’t know how else to say it).  I saw ” why can’t she let me help her or let me be there with her”   I felt like she didn’t want to see or be with me.  Which wasn’t the case at all.  She did, but She just didn’t have the capacity at that time with everything else hitting the fan like it did.  I took it too personal and instead of talking to her to find out what she really needed from me, i overthought everything and made assumptions, then lost my cool and anytime something didn’t work out i would be shitty about it.  made it all about me, not us or her.  When she needed me most to be strong and just be there for her.  I made it all about me and made her feel guilty.  Not on purpose.  Loving someone is giving them what they need when they need it and sacrificing if you have to for that time.  I did just the opposite.  I failed her.  I didn’t see it then, but i do now.

I would give anything to go back in time.  If i could of just stepped back and let her come to me instead of constantly up her ass like i was when she was hurting.  I know we would still be together.

I needed to be #1 right then and there.  And i didn’t feel like it.  I felt like i was getting pushed aside day after day.  But i never communicated that with her either like i should of.  So she didn’t know.  I just kept telling her “i understand” and “its okay”  when it wasn’t.  How was she to know??