Hi John,

We all mess up, and your posts clearly show that you’ve learned from your mistakes. The romantic side of me wants to say follow your heart, write the letter and include a lot of what you’ve shared here, especially this:

Loving someone is giving them what they need when they need it and sacrificing if you have to for that time.  I did just the opposite.  I failed her.  I didn’t see it then, but i do now. I would give anything to go back in time.  If i could of just stepped back and let her come to me instead of constantly up her ass like i was when she was hurting…I needed to be #1 right then and there…

What holds me back from giving you that advice, however, is your current GF. She deserves your total honesty. The way you describe her — wow, she seems really great. You say you love her but not as much as you love your ex, and that you think if you had met her before your ex, you would feel more for her. What if what you really want is right in front of you and you just can’t see it? If not, let her go so she can find someone who is as in love with her as you are with your ex, then go get your ex back.

It’s a tough one. You seem like a really nice guy. Hang in there.

B

Well as far as the letter.  It’s already written.  I actually had a custom card made with it printed on the inside.  On the front cover is a picture of a purple columbine flower(her favorite color and flower) and the caption “because you’re special”  The letter itself in  a nutshell says that i love communicating with her again, but it’s bringing up a lot of feelings I though was gone.  and that i want to be part of her life and i want her to be part of mine.  No matter how slow and easy it needs to be.  I have a small paragraph that says that I miss certain things about her, her family, and just her in general.  I say that it doesn’t matter to me where or what either of us has done since we broke up or i don’t care what anyone thinks.  I say that I will be 100% honest with her about everything no matter how small and i wont hide behind and insecurity and be afraid to tell her how i feel.  I tell her how losing her has made me realize how i did change for the worst and that that’s not me.  I’m the man she fell in love with and if she’ll give me this chance i will prove it to her.  About how happy we both were and if she’ll let me i will make her that happy again.  I asked her to look into her heart and what does it really feel.  If there is love left there for me, then why not take the chance.  There is a lot more.  but not too much.  It’s all straight from my heart though.

I just have to wait to send it.  I’m really curious how she takes the birthday card i sent her.  she should get it friday, but i guess she is going to visit her brother this weekend so she might not see it till tuesday.

In the mean time, i’m thinking i will tell my current GF  that i  am  sorting out shit and i need some time to figure out what i need to do for myself.  I feel like such an asshole.  When i started dating again i was moving well past my ex.  her actually talking(texting) me again has brought up so much hope and emotion.  Sucks.

I think if i would of never met my ex, that i still wouldn’t love my current gf or anyone like i did her though..  there was just something about her that just feels like it was my missing piece all these years.  I love everything about her.