Dear John, I was in a situation as a single, divorced mom who was in a long-distance relationship for four years with a man who behaved in a similar fashion and started overgiving. Unlike you, he started getting aggressive with me when his emotions got worn out and he started feeling depleted. Staying calm and peaceful can be a challenge, but is necessary. Give yourself credit for taking the steps you have taken, rather than getting abusive with yourself or your ex. I can see now in retrospect that I have not yet clarified the reasons why I felt I had to break up with him so abruptly. After reading these posts, I am going to take action and write my ex the long letter that he deserves. As a single mom, with divorce behind her, I know how easy it is to go into “me against the world” mode. This, together with our mother instinct to protect can turn us into cold, survivalists who refuse even the kindest help from others. I believe you need to protect yourself from your ex, because she may go back into this mode, which keeps you trapped in a spiral, wanting to protect her but not being able to get through her barrier. The lionness can appear at any time again and you may get hurt. The stress with children and family is ongoing and draining. What I needed then was back rubs, help with the coooking and housework and some tenderness during that time. I got that, but with a large bill to pay at the end. I could not pay that bill at the time but now am very grateful to this man who gave generously, but could not keep his resentments and emotions in his own backpack. You need clarity. She may not be ready to offer that to you.