Dear abubin:

As you experienced yourself, we can’t order our brain to not think about anything it thinks about. It just cannot be done. So better not try yet again to accomplish what is not possible to accomplish.

Neither can we order our brain to feel this and not feel that. That too is not possible. Better not try again to accomplish what is not possible to accomplish.

When you notice you think about her, don’t get alarmed, as if something unexpected just happened. And then don’t be angry at yourself for thinking about her yet again. Don’t be angry at yourself for not being able to do what no human can do (to not think about this or that)

Recognize the thought and … think to yourself (you can choose to insert a thought): this is a Debbie thought. Then with imaginary scissors cut that thought short. See if it works. Maybe sometimes it will work. You cut the thought short. When it returns again, say the same thing and do another cutting or distract- put your focus on something else for a moment.

Allow yourself to feel anything that you feel. Don’t fight your feelings. Choose your behavior thoughtfully, allow the feelings to be, to come and go and be what they are.

anita