Hi anita,

im having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that my ex is going to keep existing in my life whether I like it or not, he is friends with my best friend and they are roommates too like I told you, it was a good thing before but now the thoughts of them having fun together without me makes me feel sad, like I could have been such a good thing for us to be all friends but now it hurts me, I know we won’t be together anymore because I promised myself that even if he comes looking for me in the future I won’t go back to him, I know he won’t  look for me but if he does I won’t go back to him. I really wish he would just disappear from my life, even though I feel better it still hurts, it hurts me what it could have been if he was what I thought he was, I know the man I’m mourning never really existed, it was only in my head, but It still makes me sad. I wish i could see how far i still am from healing and letting go completely, cos I feel better but I feel I could hurt any minute, that any place, person, song, its gonna trigger my longing for him, and I don’t want to feel that anymore, I want to long for someone that loves me for real, that wants to be friends first and then falls for me. its frustrating not being able to stop feelings for him.