Hello Laurie,

I’m so sorry for everything you are going through.  You came to trust someone who is, at best, someone who cannot express their feelings, and at worst, a coward.

I hope that you have heeded the advice from others who have posted and have taken back sole access to your credit/debit/financial accounts.  I am wondering how you came to allow him access to your bank account?  I would think a grown man, with children, would have his own bank account.

People are saying he used you.  If he has not paid you back money he owes you, then he did use you.  However, you also admit that you helped him with a personal matter of your own free will.   I hope that you will acknowledge that, and – as painful as it is to say this, and for you to read it – I hope you will also recognize that even though he used you, you allowed him to use you.  You did it for all the right and caring reasons:  You were helping a friend.  My hope is that from this you will begin an internal dialogue with yourself if you ever come across someone needing help.  The dialogue begins with: How is this my problem? The second part of that dialogue is you telling the person needing help, “I hope you figure something out.”   If you still feel compelled to help someone after telling yourself that, ask yourself if you are willing to accept that a) you may never see the money again and b) the person may be using you.

You said you got involved with him against your better judgment.  In future, heed that judgment, and your intuition.  When you have that sense, all you need to do is get to know the person better.  Make sure their actions match their words.

You say in your original post that he usually calls you first thing.  I am wondering…did you ever initiate contact with him, or did you wait for him most of the time to call/text/contact?  When one person is always doing the initiating, it can create an imbalance in the relationship.

Right now, you are in a state of wonder, shock, questions, whys and yes, grief.  When you feel hurt and betrayed, please put this back on him.  You were acting in the name of friendship and concern.  Now that you know better, do better.

If you are waiting for him to “come clean” and give you an explanation or apologize and/or repay you before you make peace with this and move forward, I encourage you to not wait.  He treated you badly, you learned from it and a better, stronger version of you will move forward.

Airene

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Airene.
• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Airene.