Well after all this, this is what i’ve decided to do.

I’m taking a break(possibly permanently) from my current GF.  I really need to evaluate how i do feel about her.  Maybe i think i’m in love or maybe i’m just liking the companionship?  I am going to tell her everything, that i’m worried about the drama in her life, and also that i don’t think i’m ready for this yet, considering i’m still having trouble letting go of my ex.  I don’t think I should be thinking about her and missing her like i do before i try to build a new relationship.  I do find myself comparing, which isn’t fair to anyone.

For my Ex, She hasn’t contacted me since her birthday.  So either she is done and is trying to make a point(which is probably the case), or texting me like she has has brought up feelings with her as well and she doesn’t want that, or doesn’t know what to do.  So i’m going to give it a few days longer, then send her a text just simple asking how she’s been and if she’s having fun with her boys(her oldest is home for a couple weeks from the marines).  Then see her response.  then I may send her that “letter” anyways or not depending on her response.  I know what you all have told me, but i figure, if i do send it and she gets upset or pissed and says no, then i will know for sure and won’t always have that “what if” in my brain.  I know i should wait and slowly build up, but if this is something she wants or is thinking about, then why not?  Or if i do wait, and things do get serious with her current BF?  I don’t think my letter is demanding or needy.  I was completely honest in it and just said in a nutshell, if she is having feelings and can give us a chance, then why not?  And that i know i have my own issues that I did not realize when we were together and I need to fix.

At the end of the letter, i asked if she could meet and we could talk, regardless of her decision.  We never did have a real talk after the break up.  Just a lot of angry and hurtful texting, which texting is so hard to interpret.

I don’t know.  I do feel like if i wait too long, that if she is thinking about me or us that she might decide to wash it all under the rug.  Very difficult.  I wouldn’t be so confused if she hadn’t sent me selfies, or talked about missing my girls and my dogs and that she said no-one has ever cared for her like i did.  There was more things that she said that makes me wonder.  Why would someone do and say those things if they didn’t have second thoughts?

Man this is messed up.  How can i love someone like that?   Seriously unconditionally.  It’s crazy to me.  I need to end this though.  Either something is going to happen or it’s not and I will be done contacting her all together.

So let me have it.  tell me what you all think and how I’m screwing up here.  seriously don’t hold back.