“How long exactly has it been after the break up that both of you are in new relationships?”

For me, i self destructed.  I wasn’t in relationships, i was “messing around”  within a month.  I’m very ashamed of that btw.  I ended up sleeping around with 5 different woman off and on for about two months before i met my gf.  I stopped everything once i met her.  Again, something I’m not proud of. I was very depressed and hurt.  I seriously was a mess. I was contemplating doing the worse…

For her i think it was a month and a day exactly when she met him.  From a post she put on Facebook and he commented on, i’m guessing they were sleeping together within a month and a half to two months.

When i asked her about him.  she said “she met him in Dec. but didn’t start dating till jan or feb or whatever”  Then she said” I’m not even really with anyone.  He’s out of state for the next 2 years.  I will see hime maybe twice a year.  So if it makes you feel any better i’m still as f%&*ed up as i was before.  I’m not good enough to be in any real relationship.  So go enjoy your new found little family.”

“You wanted her to put you first”

I didn’t want to be first.  I just wanted to feel like i was part of her life.  Any time any thing happened. I got pushed off to the side.  It felt like i was on stand by.  I just wanted to be part of her family.

“You are basically asking a person to strip down their pride, their self-esteem and give it all to you. Would you do that for someone?”

I did do that for her.  I swallowed my pride several times.  I stood down when i should of stood up for myself.  And yes if she would of asked me to relocate down there, i wouldn’t have thought twice about it.  I would of found a way even with my kids.  She used to tell me over and over and friends of hers that I had the patience of a saint.  Cause i did. I waited and never made an issue out of things.  She also told me not to be a doormat, not even for her.   Any time our plans got cancelled.  (usually because of her oldest son) I never said anything or bitched about that.  In fact i told her she needs to do what she does for him.  I never told her that i felt like i was getting pushed aside until after she left me.

“Perhaps you are going through something difficult in some other sphere of your life… Your job does not give you satisfaction, Maybe you feel you are not able to give your children a lot of time that they deserve, maybe you do not get enough time to pursue your hobbies or activities that made you happy other than love and romance”

Before i met her, things were great.  My job is great(can’t ask for a better place to work), i do have fun with my hobbies, and i get my kiddos week on and week off.  Even my relationship with my ex-wife is fantastic.  we are like best friends.  I was just looking for love, and I thought i found it.

“Think of your actions, from her perspective. She: I was in a beautiful relationship with a man but instead of taking care of his affairs, he meddled into mine (Children are the greatest thing to a mother, that is solely her affair unless she accepts a man worthy enough to be their father). I was in love with him, I missed him but I did not miss the way he regarded me as a weak woman who needs help at every step. I am not that woman. A few months later, he tells me how sorry he was for his actions and I forgive him because of his regrets. But I am still not sure of his actions, after all, he did change unexpectedly when we were together. Who knows if he does the same again. But still, let me be in touch with him and see how he is now.”

I wish i could of seen it this way along time ago.  I never thought about it like this.  through everything, I just wanted to help.  She seemed so miserable with all her problems and i just want to help it all go away so she could be happy.  She was a very independent woman and she did tell me several times that she needs to deal with it on her own.  I’m the type that wants to be there to help.  I guess i couldn’t see that i really needed to be just there to listen to her and not anything else.

Well I’m not going to contact her.  Not going to send her any cards.  I’m going to take some time and figure out what i really need. At this point, i don’t think i will ever have another connection or love someone the way i did her.  That’s okay i guess.  I do like the woman i am with now.  but i do need some time to get my head straight and make sure i don’t like her just because she is there.

thank you for your help.  I wish i would of found this forum at the end of september last year.  It might of save me from wrecking that relationship.  I do feel like i failed her.  and that hurts.