Hello AlyahB_

Congratulations on all the hard work you’ve done to get where you are.  You sound like someone who is mature far beyond your 21 years.  And good for you!

The situation with your sister caused me anxiety when I read it.  You are doing great, you just need to define your boundaries and maintain them.

With your sister, you are going to need to be direct and clear.  You can do this without getting confrontational or angry.  You told her you want her to pick her stuff up, but she hasn’t said when she will do it.  Don’t wait for her to tell you – you tell her.  Give her a deadline for picking up her stuff, and also a consequence if she doesn’t.  Something like…”I need you to pick up your stuff by Sunday night.  If it’s not gone, I will pack it up and take it to a donation center.”  And then follow through.

Then, address the situation about her getting a job closer to your place.  Tell her, “Because you want to apply for a job close to my place, I need you to understand you are not moving in with me.”

As far as how to tell someone kindly that they have overstayed their welcome, you say “You have been here three weeks (or three nights, or three hours or three minutes…) I need you to pack up your things and be gone by tonight.”  They might react by crying or getting angry.  That is about them, not you.  Regardless of their reaction, you stand your ground.  If they say they don’t have a place to go, you tell them there are programs set up for people needing temporary housing.  If they complain they don’t have money for a place, you tell them there are programs set up for people needing help managing their finances.  Life is hard.

None of this is cruel or mean.  If you start to feel that way, remind yourself that you have gotten where you are through a lot of your own hard work.  Was your sister there to help you?  Support you?

Everyone has problems, and some people choose to work through them, and manage them.  Others expect everyone else to manage their problems.

Good luck, and please post back about how things are going.

Airene