Hello!

Thank you for starters, I have found much support from these forums.

I am the youngest in my family(21). My family was dysfunctional and none of my siblings talk to my parents. My siblings had a hard life, and I also had a hard life seeing as we basically had no parents. I am the “most successful”. I have always found a way to be the happiest, to make the right choices, to surround myself with the right people so I have had more oppourtunities than my siblings. They know I make more than them by my lifestyle. They have constantly needed my help. I am a helped and love them so I have. But I think they have taken advantage of me. Example: My(older) brother calls asking for money and says “I know ur rich lol”. I have lent my eldest sister more money than I can remember, that she will never pay back. She calls me selfish when once again, I have treated her. Showed her a different lifestyle, payed for food and activities, her gas, her car. I cut contact with her a while back because I realized she was holding me back.

Anyway, this has been the general experience with my family. I hate the “mooch” energy I feel from them. I get pissed because I think, “I am the youngest! If I have worked on my happiness and life, why haven’t you” Why are you still using our upbringing as an excuse?” They think i’m lucky- hah. Even to be lucky takes some mental work. I have worked hard on my peace, my finances, etc. I do the work. They do not.

So, my current predicament. My other sister does not like her living situation. She has accepted a lower paying job since she moved here, therefore, has not saved up enough for her own place. She has always dealt with depression- so have I , she has just chosen to be self destructive when depressed whereas I just…try to be better. I have always felt some anger towards her because she’ll say things like “come on help me im poor” “let me borrow this, you have more money than me” or when we hangout I am the one constantly paying. She could have the same job as me right now. I have more money, because I chose to work to have more money. She feels entitled to the people around her. She had a boyfriend, she would laugh that he pays for everything, buys her stuff, and how she gradually moved in with him.

Anyway, She does not like her living situation. She lives with a friend, who is moving and offered to share the next place with her. She doesn’t want to move there because it’s far/not too fond of her friend. My roommate has been out of town, and my sister has been sleeping over. I feel at my last place she tried to move in. This is how it went:
She slept over for nearly two weeks. (Dreadful for me, anxiety attacks, not knowing how to tell her to leave)
She said she was going to interview next to my house.
I asked why since it is so far from her house.
She was quiet.
In that moment, I felt that was her way of trying to move in.

So now, she has been here for one week. Her work is far, close to her house yet she will leave her shoes, purse, etc. here. Last night she said she went home “to get more work clothes”. She said she is going to try to work at this place that is close to me, again. I am stressed with her stuff here. I have set up a good life and all I need to do is work and stay happy to achieve my goals. She, on the other hand, is just…not together. Has a lot more to work on. I am only 21 I CANNOT and WILL NOT put myself in the position of being a mom to her. I won’t let her live here. I wan’t her stuff gone now. She hasn’t said when she will pick it up.

How do I approach this?

All in all, I love her but we are on different paths. I worked hard to be here, and I feel like I am getting dragged down hanging out with people who are at a “lower” level. (Negative, never working on goals, never working on being successful, thinking life owes them, complaining about lack of money yet not doing anything, me having to pay for everything). My whole week has been unproductive because of the anxiety surrounding this. You are your friends, and I don’t want to be like her.

I want her to get her stuff, and know that she cannot move in. She won’t say “Can I move in?” She will do it gradually how she did to her boyfriend. I told you last night she said she went home to “get more work clothes”. She’s working today, and may come this way sunday to check out a job over here. I’m assuming that’s when she plans to get her stuff

Also for future reference, how do you kindly tell someone who has slept over too much that it’s time for them to go home?

I had this same situation with my eldest sister. She didn’t like her home, spent every minute at mine, my roommate eventually told me to move out since she was there so much. Then that’s when I cut contact because I realized she was overstepping my boundaries- which I have a hard time setting.

• This topic was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by Bun.