You might Josephs Campbell work helpful – Pathways to Bliss.

The longing to die is often a longing to change, mistaken as wanting to die because change requires “dying”

It is also important to remember that it takes a strong and healthy ego to let the ego go. The ego plays a necessarily role in our interactions. Thus you don’t want to kill off the ego but your attachment of your sense of self with the ego. – You are not your ego, its simply a tool that allows one to make conscious and express experiences.