That is very true.

So thought patterns must be learned or at least associated with past experiences.

I do wonder why they come up though, about attraction that is, but I guess that I am so so self critical he is like my mirror image.

Weirdly I feel like I am opening up. Like I have an excited feeling that he is coming to collect me and that we are going to the beach, but I guess my mother is there nagging away so it rains on my parade.

for example, I am worried I will flinch when I see him when he picks me up. But I guess flinching is just another way of fear showing up rather than a catastrophic hidden meaning to break up. I also remembered today how my Father was supposed to pick us up every Saturday or Sunday depending and he was almost always late, or didn’t show, never called in advance and wasn’t allowed in the house. Can’t help but wonder if I associated being picked up by a loved one as painful, and now I have real pure love that my brain is still wired in that way.