Dear Ladybug:

You wrote that he was stressed when you acted distant and cold, then he started texting you “about the issues he’s having”. Following that he “felt relieved and went to sleep with a bit more clarity and peace now that we both trying to make a change”. Following that, in the morning “he came over and cuddled (you)”. Later in the morning you “sent him a link about how to regain your masculine energy”

Your understanding of this night/morning interaction is that “This obviously was a major change in his approach. He was lost… his new found motivation to get his masculine back will rectify a lot of his inner issues”.

This is not my understanding of the night-morning situation that you described. My understanding is that he was distressed when you acted distant and cold toward him. To relieve his distress he texted you about issues. His motivation is not to resolve those issues but to get you back to acting close and warm toward him. He achieved his aim and so, his distress of the night was resolved and he slept well, cuddling in the morning.

He needs way more help than a link can provide him. He needs professional help from a competent psychotherapist. You as his girlfriend or roommate-and-friend-with-benefits cannot possibly help him.

As a matter of fact, you are on a road to nowhere in this relationship and this very living situation you are in. This is not a good situation for you. I think you are very much attached to him, very much focused on him, and your thinking is incorrect:

You think you are helping him but you are not. You think he is motivated to work on issues, but he is not. What motivates him is to continue this very relationship, this very “break”, the way things are. He wants you close to him, warm toward him, focused on him, reaching out to him, just the way you are.

It is not the link that you sent him that matters to him, it is that you sent it to him, reaching out to him, focused on him.

anita