Dear Anita,

tbank you and yes I intend to ask directed questions. I interestingly have anxiety about meeting a psychotherapist that is not on the same “wavelength.” Given that I am not going to someone in the sense of “Hello I have no idea what’s wrong with me help.” But instead insight and ability to communicate my issues, it is that much more important to find a right fit. I hope I do. Wish me luck. I met someone yesterday, and I am meeting someone tomorrow. I must have patience as choosing this person is an important decision and perhaps long term relationship.

You wrote: The most accessible feeling for the very anxious is anger. Seems like every other feeling, maybe even anger, will simply destroy us, that we can not endure it. There is a felt belief that a feeling in itself is dangerous.

– interesting.  If feeling itself is dangerous, that must be why we (i avoid it). Why is it perceived this way? Is this what happens over time with cause and battering that we then begin to believe that feeling anything at all is too painful and dangerous? It is true the only accessible feeling I have is anger. Sure I “enjoy” a nice yoga class, being in the sun, a good meal. Sure. I have the ability to know what I like and don’t like etc. All of that. But it is not true feeling. It is almost like it is thought vs feeling.

The ultimate purpose after all is to feel good. Pay attention to your breathing, right now, if you will. Is it constricted? Relax it. How does it feel?

My breathing is constricted. My breathing is always constricted. So much so that I don’t realise it is, because I don’t have the liberty of having nice easy breathing. This is how I feel. Sometimes when I try to relax it, it feels worse. And foeced, tighter.

Going with that Anita, aside from inability to feel true joy. My other theme is this: inability to feel relief. You know the idea of a “big sigh of relief.” That aaah feeling. A let down almost. Nope never feel it. Like you have stress all day for a certain phone call or test and when it’s finally over you think sigh, what a relief. Nope, see I never feel relief. It is always the same. Tight, feeling. How nice it would be to sigh a sigh of relief.