Thank you Anita. I do realise that I am still doing and saying and worrying about what he says/feels/acts….habit! 28 years…I guess it will take a bit of time to remove that….I have been a fixer upper for so long…but I do see that…thank you for reading and making notes and pointing out what some part of my brain already knows. I had a conversation with him this evening, he said he was sorry that he had bought our relationship to this point, he understood that he was going to be single…that I wasn’t coming back. That felt like a relief to me. I am still scared to go and get more stuff from home…I only fear his pain….and yes, I do think the words he used were manipulative words…I spoke to my daughter who was ready to come home to ‘look after’ him cause he ‘doesn’t know how to do anything ‘ I convinced her to keep her plans, to be with her friends and to stay away! She feels guilt! That saddens me so.  I and she need to learn that’s it’s ok to do what makes us happy….because we deserve it!