Dear Kay:

“It’s like I cannot see her in a bad light, but she has no problem with knowing I am hurting or treated unfairly”, you wrote about your mother. This is not surprising to me. As children we have to see our mothers in a good light. If we see her in a bad light when we are children and dependent on her, then we are aware that we are in bad hands, dependent on a person that doesn’t care about us. This is intolerant for a child.

When we grow up, having had an unloving, abusive mother, we don’t change seeing her as loving, or otherwise favorably unless and until we heal.

On the other hand, our mothers don’t need us, so they don’t have the need to view us in a good light.

* I will soon be away from the computer for about 15 hours. I hope to read from you when I am back.

anita