Dear Anita,

Hello I hope you had a good weekend.  I did a good job of not being distracted by others, and hearing my own voice.  It feels good to see this.

Another thing that has helped me recently is: speaking my truth.

I realize that the small cover ups we tell our own selves and others can keep us holding onto false beliefs.  If we cover it up to others we may be covering it up to ourselves.

As you we spoke about, I do not feel this is something I want to broadcast to everyone.  Many individuals don’t understand what it takes to have to “let go” of your parents – the amount of trauma, hardship, and bravery one endures.

yet, I notice that speaking my truth is important, to those that matter.

For example I was speaking to a nurse today at work, who I am personal friends with to a point.  She was mentioning something about her mother in law being intrusive.  Instead of just listening, I stated, that I understand what it is like to deal with an intrusive parent – it can be toxic and exhausting.  Yes, it was not much information, but the act of saying it out loud to someone that  I would usually just nod along with – was quite liberating.

similarly, I am finding that with those I am comfortable with – I can admit that I am not say “just relaxing.” I am processing some things and enjoying some alone time.  I can admit it to others that will understand. 

Instead of just saying to a friend oh yes the wedding was a blur, I can admit out loud “I hardly remember my bridal shower because my mom complained the whole ride home.”  if it tis a close or best friend – I can have the liberty to be honest.  if I am honest with close people, I am honest with myself.

it feels good to not feel I have to “cover up” this secret of my mother.  its not a secret.  mothers like her often threaten children with things such as “keep it just between family!” make sure you don’t say anything.

they don’t want their true image to be leaked.  and sure it is not everyones business – but I can be honest with myself and those close to me – now..