Dear Angie, you are the first person I met who actually has the same problem. Thank you for sharing this here as well!

” Nobody, under any circumstance, appreciates hearing, “Just kill yourself”. Indeed, they don’t! “You are the worst” also doesn’t really go over well for some reason.

A verbal form of selfharm, yes that sounds about right. Though no matter how often I say to myself “you are a bad person” I don’t really believe it, you know what I mean? But I often wonder if it doesn’t become more real with repetition.

You have allready found a bunch of interesting ways to deal with this! I think I will try that out, thank you.

Yes, I often feel not good enough. Not good enough at social interactions, not getting far in life though I had so many possibilties,  not having many friends etc. Sometimes I manage to turn this around and say “hey I had all this depression and fear going and still manage to do ….” though.

Your suggestion about thinking about people I admire is totally new to me, I will have to think about that one.