Hi Neil,

I just now read your post for the 3rd time. You write beautifully. Wow.

I’m totally unqualified to provide counseling to you or anyone else, so keep that in mind as you read anything from me. 🙂

Like I mentioned in my previous post to you, I can see this sequence of events happening to anybody, and I don’t see any of the choices you’ve made as irreparable. My gut tells me that following your divorce you felt a tremendous amount of guilt that you couldn’t let go of, and that this and the powerlessness you felt within the situation created your depression. Everything that happened after that was simply a consequence of making a big decision from an unhealthy mental state.

The very first thing I would do if I were you would be to make an appointment for counseling and give the counselor a copy of your original post. Seems the thundering guilt and regret you feel as a result of your choices are keeping you “stuck in wet cement”, as you described. The counselor should help you to let it all go. Imagine what that would be like, that is, not ruminating, having a clear mind. I’ll bet it’s been a long time since you’ve had a clear mind. I wish that for you very much. Next, I would tell myself that I deserve to be forgiven…for every single mistake. Every single one. I would then list all of my regrets, one by one, and do my best to correct my misdeeds. With regard to your two girls, it’s never too late to rebuild the relationship. Be honest with them. Kids (yours are teenagers, right?) want the truth. As parents we make all kinds of mistakes every single day. Own them, apologize for them, then get back on track. Be the best dad you can be starting right now. Are you still working on the opposite side of the coast? If so, how’s that job going? Are you able to make payments toward your debt? Are you still drinking?

You say you don’t see a way out of this anymore. I see some ways out.

B