Dear Anita,

Your insight and knowledge are amazing.  Like that of a seasoned professional.  Well in many ways you are one, to me, as you have went through this for many years, and supported many – knowledge is power in so many ways.

What you wrote to me was quite deep, and I read it many times and pondered it.  To me it is 2 parts, the first in which understanding that the child dissociates.  Which is in fact quite fascinating, as this is a subconscious protective mechanism.  And two, the aspect of the: fear then is the fear now.  This part I will work up to understanding, it will take time.  I will focus on the first now, as a student.

I wanted to read more about this concept, and learn more – and so I did some research.  An article by a psychologist explained it really well, just like you did.  I have pasted it below if you are interested in reading it.  I will process the information – it is unbelievable how crucial positive/healthy interaction between a child and mother is, and how deeply future trauma/fear can be based on those moments.  Those formative years truly are formative, aren’t they.

Disorganized Attachment and Dissociation

In attachment theory, the caregiver ideally serves as a secure base from which the child can receive comfort and support (secure attachment). Their responses to the child’s actions determine how the child will come to see the world and view relationships in the future. One particular form of attachment, disorganized attachment occurs when the caregiver mistreats the child, frequently frightens the child, miscommunicates feelings, and has highly unrealistic expectations of the child (e.g., relying on the child for care).

Caregivers who act in ways that give rise to disorganized attachment may behave very inconsistently (for example at times they are intrusive, at times they withdraw), which creates confusion for the child. The child may end up with multiple, incompatible views of the caregiver (seeing the caregiver as a source of protection and danger at the same time) and incompatible views of themselves (feeling confusion about whether they are good or bad). These incompatible views are very difficult to reconcile and hard to combine into a coherent structure.

The child is left with confusion about who their

parents are, and who they are, making it difficult to establish a coherent sense of self. This sort of fragmentation lays the groundwork for dissociative experiences.

Even more confusing, the child faces the dilemma of both protecting themselves from a caregiver and maintaining a relationship with them. Jennifer Freyd explains that the betrayal trauma, the sense of betrayal often found in children abused by their caregivers explains why many children forget the abuse, or rather, put it out of their minds.

If the child copes by dissociating, it makes it easier to continue daily life with the parent than if they were fully aware of the traumatic past experiences.