Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for taking your time and effort to refer to my previous posts. Really means alot. Your first paragraph about how my past links to my current state really touches my soul. I teared a little when I read it as it brought back the helpless feeling and my mother’s past.

You wrote “This recognition, this belonging, is the love you did not experience as a child and still don’t.” Yes, I believed I did not felt the recognition when I was a child although memories of it seemed blurry as I can’t really remember my childhood clearly. My mom right now however is totally different than she was when I was a child. My mom and dad’s debts are almost settled and they are more carefree now as we are older and more capable now. My mom has always been supportive in whatever I do and she shows more affection now. Things are getting better emotionally for my mom and dad. I told them about my decision about my job. They supported me. My mom even told me to do what I want, most importantly do not do it because of what others would think of you. So I think my childhood is what made me who I am now. Does it makes sense?

For that warm feeling and assurance, you wrote “It reminds me of the great relief you felt when you finally ended your relationship.” Yes it s the same feeling. I don’t know how to describe it. It could be my intuition talking to me? You wrote ” But then came the doubts about both, the relationship at that time (maybe still) and interview”. Well, there were doubts of course for my relationship but it was for a short while for maybe about 2 to 3 months after. But I managed to pass that stage and right now is just grieving and missing her that is all. Never thought of going back to her. As for the interview, I am not sure if it applies the same.

Thank you for your suggestions to seek professional help. I will consider it. I did considered it before but it was merely just a thought as I think I could figure it out myself with time. Thank you Anita. Would love to hear from you soon about my latest observations.

Have a nice day 🙂

Romeo