Dear Risha:

I understand that you feel “so weak mentally and physically”. To get strong again, you have to say goodbye to the old. He didn’t say goodbye, this last time you saw him. But you have to say goodbye to him, here on this thread, if not to him in person. And then you have to say goodbye to the part of you who trusted him, the part that invested in him, hoping and wishing it will pay off for you.

You will have to say goodbye to most of your thirties as well, to these years you spent in this past relationship, the time you wasted.

Time wasted is something everyone experiences, some wasting more than others. I wasted not only my thirties but much of my twenties before that and my forties after. I hope your forties will not be wasted much. But waste, that is the norm in people’s lives, not the exception, and so.. you are not alone in this.

People hurt people, this is unfortunately also the norm, that is, it is very common. We have to be careful in whom we trust and in whom we invest. “he could have handled this in a different way”, yes, he could have been honest with you, from the very beginning. That would have been a good, different way.

When he refused your kiss that last day, maybe he knew he didn’t deserve it, maybe. I don’t know. I believe he didn’t deserve it. He “pretended ..that he would try to sort out something with his parents”, that was his dishonesty, once again. Even if he did give you that “goodbye kiss to console (you)”- what worth would be in that kiss from a man who lied to you a moment before, telling you that he will try to sort out something with his parents..?

The worth of someone’s love for you is not only in how much he needed you at any particular time, how strongly he felt for you. The value of a man’s love is in telling you the truth the whole time, from the beginning, but he didn’t, not even in that last time you shared a cab with him.

You wrote: “when I think the way he walked out its so heart breaking… As if I never mattered to him at all”- you mattered to him but so did his Parents, and it mattered to him to make things easier on himself regardless of hurting you.

The feelings he had for you, the feelings he may still have, were never enough for him to have  a trustworthy, dependable, strong and committed relationship with you. The reason they were not enough is because of that dishonesty, that self serving way of operating where his easy way out of problems is more important to him than being just and fair to another.

When you blocked him repeatedly in the past, you succeeded in triggering his feelings, but you were not able and could not have succeeded in triggering what he didn’t have, and that is honesty and loyalty to you, loyalty over the one to his Parents, that is.

As I wrote earlier in this post, saying goodbye to him and to the years spent with him or about him is very important in a process of recovering and healing.

Please post again with your thoughts and feelings, any time you would like and I will be glad to reply to you every time.

anita